Photo by @ambitiousbabe.inc from Instagram
Starting over a personal writing gig after a 3-month plus hiatus is awkward. I don’t even know where to begin because a lot had happened during the period of “silence”. I should’ve documented the journey in my paper journal but my coping mechanism is to forget everything that is stressful.
This is not to say that everything that had materialised was all bad, there are good things too. Sadly I didn’t commemorate those achievements too, because these events occurred one after another like a series. I had to focus on getting them sorted accordingly. All I need was, at that time, a space (like an intermission between events) where I get to sit down, alone and quietly, and talk to myself out loud. Boy, I’m glad that I was not all alone during the lockdown phase. The best decision I’ve made was to move back to my parent’s house for good.
Bottomline is, I’m extremely grateful and contented with my life now. That decision felt like a catalyst for my life upgrade. What ensued thereafter is that I have achieved the goals I set in the last 10 years or so. I thanks the pandemic, partially, for the improvement in financial, spiritual and mental aspects of my life lol. I’ve repetitively said to myself that my life starts at 30 and it is happening gracefully; my Capricorn energy is peaking right now.
There is no more sexual tension with success, money and love, it is a consummation now, intimately and emotionally. What do I gain from this chase? Security and stability, of course. Knowing that I don’t need to rely on a third-party sustenance provider, including my parents. The best part is, now I can give more and not worrying a damn cent about it.
As much as I’m indulging living in the moment right now, I look forward to the next chapters. I have another set of goals from 31 onward, but those are on a maintenance mode, for now. What I learned from this last 10 years is that I mustn’t beat myself up for falling short of my own expectation; I’m a work in progress and I must love myself first before pouring some of that juices into someone else’s cup. I have a complete trust on the journey that has been written for me.